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February 07 2018

earthstory:

Dolphins in False Bay, South Africa

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thomas-is-so-vine-and-kind:

varikasvaris:

thomas-is-so-vine-and-kind:

hippiee:

putting tape over my Webcam thinking about how the CIA agent watched me cry everyday for a year and didn’t once check up one me: cut toxic people out in 2018

This probably sounds super dumb but does this include phone cameras as well??

Phones are just as hackable as desktop devices (often even more so) and really, if you wanted to track and watch someone, wouldn’t the widget that goes everywhere with them be the best?  

Yes, your CIA-pal prolly watches the phone camera too, and cutting them from your life would involve more tinfoil than it’s worth  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Ok then my fbi person is probably one of the few people who see me guenuinely smile or even laugh when I’m scrolling through Tumblr.

willowenna:

digivolvin:

exphautaz:

asgardian-viking:

digivolvin:

men in greek mythology? scoundrels. just terrible. woeful social skills. murderers. kidnappers. violent misogynists. most of them… never described as handsome so we have to assume they were ugly. 

narcissus? unproblematic. beacon of transformative self love. king of the swerve. gay icon. couldn’t recognize his reflection but neither can my dog, we aren’t holding that against him.

Narcissus wrote this

I refuse to believe Narcissus could read.

i’ve been thinking about this response for the better part of 2 hours and it hasn’t gotten less hysterically funny to me

@nerdytrash–trashynerd

twentyonelizards:

jumpingjacktrash:

coolmanfromthepast:

jumpingjacktrash:

blueelectricangels:

blueelectricangels:

if you read in a frog paper “specimen was released in the field immediately after capture” chances are very good that what it actually means is

“i dropped the damn frog and despite the fact that we fell all over each other no one could recapture it”

sometimes when i am sad i go read through the tags on this post, because they are 70% other biologists saying things like “AND ALSO FUCK FIELD MICE” and “THAT CRAB ALMOST BROKE MY FINGER” and I am reassured that I am not the only one who has bobbled a wood frog right into their cleavage.

plus six or seven people who just….can’t figure out what a frog paper could possibly be. (guys it’s…a scientific paper. about frogs.)

and this one

which made me laugh despairingly because i mean

bro you don’t even know.

what is the code entomologists use for “i stepped on it, i’m so sorry, it was dark out and the specimen was very small”

“Impromptu dissection was performed under less-than-optimal lighting conditions.”

‘impromptu dissection’ is an alarming phrase in any context and i thank you for it

[ID: screenshot of a library of papers marked ‘Masters Research’. The nineteen displayed are all, indeed, about frogs.]

wishyroses:

otherwindow:

Wearing pyjamas to bed = equipping the most visually appealing armour.

Wearing comfy clothes to bed = equipping the statistically best armour.

Wearing jeans to bed = equipping an awful piece of gear for a crucial stat increase or buff.

Wearing nothing to bed = speedrunner.

I love this because it implies that going to bed requires combat

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jaxsonpohlman:

Always incredible to witness and capture something like this. Shoutout to everyone that pulled an all nighter to see this. Captured just outside of Wichita, Kansas.

9096 b50f

nuhstalgicsoul:

I need friends that are down for hanging out at coffee shops, watching sunrises and sunsets, spontaneous mountain adventures, and cute little breakfast dates

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amazing-guava:

“You’re basically seeing all of the sunrises and sunsets across the world, at once, being reflected off the surface of the moon” – explained by NASA

diazrosa:

i do not know a SINGLE person, not even out of my friends, not even out of the most woke people on this damn site, that only likes unproblematic things. every single one of us likes something that’s fucking garbage. so some of y’all can climb down off your high horses and stop competing for the “least problematic” award honest to god.

serotnin:

i’m just a simple person dissociating at trader joe’s

9124 e2ec

slightmayhem:

mugwomps:

beachdeath:

the most #UselessLesbian thing i have ever done was when i was trying to figure out if this girl liked me or not, just constantly arguing with myself about it, and after a couple, uh, months, of this, i was like, “god i wish i could just like… go to court and lay out all this evidence and have a couple lawyers argue over the TRUE MEANING of her text messages, and then a judge tells me if she likes me or not.” and then the proverbial lightbulb went off over my proverbial head, and i dug into my mock trial folder from high school and found the trial guidelines and i wrote out an entire trial transcript featuring a plaintiff (me), my attorney (my wildest hopes and dreams), a defense attorney (my worst fears and insecurities), and a judge (my desperate attempt at rationality). the final product was several thousand words long. it clarified nothing. at any point in this process did it occur to me to ask her how she felt about me? absolutely not. did i ever stop and think, “hey, maybe i should tell her that i like her?” absolutely not. that’s for people who take risks and i don’t take risks i take myself to court in my own head.

I’m sorry you put you thru this but I can’t help laughing

“i am sorry you put you through this” is for real the best phrase i have heard in 2018

February 06 2018

just-shower-thoughts:

i wanna see a movie where the main protagonist suffers from schizophrenia and the alter egos are characters they’ve played in previous movies..

rninor:

landorus:

lets have phone sex over walkie talkies

“bend over”
“bend what? over”

doktorgirlfriend:

Brain: You’re a horrible, worthless, garbage person, and your life is going nowhere but to hell.

Me: I don’t know what the fuck you expect me to do about that at 11PM, my dude.

ilikeyoshi:

ilikeyoshi:

ilikeyoshi:

me: hey how long is this thing going to last

someone: haha you just want to know when you’re off the hook

me: hah

me: (actually i just need to allocate the right expectations and backlog of energy and make sure the rest of my day falls in good accordance with it so that i don’t feel time-crunched and propel myself into a hysteria because if i don’t know how long this thing lasts or when it ends i can’t possibly know when literally anything else starts and my entire life becomes an unraveled realm of anarchy with no rhyme or reason and how is that not terrifying to you)

me: hey how long will this take

someone: oh like twenty minutes

me: ok

*an hour later*

me: *clinging to every learned social skill i can think of with the desperate hope my distress and exhaustion doesn’t show*

someone: hey we’re almost done don’t be so crabby

me: *smiling* *internally screaming at this SENSELESS CHAOS*

someone: hey do you want to do [involving time-consuming thing]

me: hey that sounds fun! when were you thinking?

someone: oh we’re doing it right now

me: oh. like. now-now? like right now. like you want me to stop what i’m doing and get up and do this thing with you, suddenly, with thirty seconds of warning. now. like this second. immediately. now?

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